Pastor: Eugene P. Harder * 2 Corinthians 4:17,18 * Jan. 23\00

The world is full of psychologically hurting, wounded people. People who feel that life has let them down. The past two messages talked about the hurt and let down children feel when their parents refuse to bless them.

Children who miss the blessing of their father may experience gender confusion, inferior or superior attitudes, aggressive behaviour, suicide, under-achievement, substance abuse and workaholic patterns.

Today its popular to blame all our psychological problems on Dad. Question! Is Dad really the source of all our wrong headed thinking? That question could produce an interesting debate. Why does it take so long for a baby to become an adult? How many animals keep their young with them as long an humans do? Whose responsibility is it to teach children physical, spiritual and psychological skills?

How many times do you parents remember thinking, What must I do to prepare my children for their day of independence? If we don't parent right, we place a heavy handicap on our children that can leave them limping through life.

The objective of this message is to highlight the path to wholeness for those who did not receive their father's blessing. It will help us discover the reality of St. Paul's declaration to the Corinthians. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

I. When Life Lets Us Down We Must Accept Responsibility For Our Future
One reason we stay in our father's house for the first eighteen years of our life is to learn the lessons of responsibility. When we leave our father's house our implied declaration is, I now accept responsibility for my future.

It does not matter how cruel or unjust life has been to us up to that point. When we walk out of Dad's door we are responsible for what we become. Our parents may have badly abused us but now we choose our destiny.

We have two basic choices when life lets us down.

1. We can stay on Crying Crescent circling our father's home crying over our missed blessing.
2. We can exit Crying Crescent and travel the highway to wholeness. Maturity accepts responsibility for those things that are changeable.

Paul has excellent advice on how to accept responsibility for our future. AFor our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NIV)

Paul's advice guarantees our future happiness. Paul says, So I hear you are having trouble. Your parents are acting like jerks and steadfastly refuse to bless you. You feel psychologically handicapped, with only one emotional leg.

The good news is that hobbling through life on one emotional leg has some great benefits for you. Your difficulty is preparing you for a great tomorrow. Not only that but your positive response to your trials is growing you into a majestic tree of righteousness.

Paul's priceless advice is, So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. Paul does not beat around the bush but says, AQuit complaining about how badly life has let you down and get a new focus on life.

Fix your eyes on what God is going to accomplish through your life. Write a description of the majestic trees of righteousness your children are becoming. Prepare a verbal photo album of all the people who will be blessed, encouraged and given hope because they associated with you and your family.

Fix your eyes on the blessing God has reserved for you. Fix your eyes on the character qualities that are blooming in your life because of these trials. Write out a list of all these blessing.

That advice is easy to give but it can be very difficult to implement. When someone deeply wounds and hurts us we develop an emotional focus on that person. Our spare thinking time always drifts back to how badly they hurt us. Our deep disappointment focuses on how good life would have been if they had not spoiled things for us.

When life gets us down Paul reminds us that, What is seen is temporary, the present will not last unless we insist on dragging it with us. We need to shift from the temporary to the eternal.

People say to me, Eugene, I want to change but there are a billion things that keep reminding me of how badly I've been hurt. When my negative emotional focus is broken it returns like a giant tractor beam, drawing my focus back to my hurt. The next point tells us how to make our negative focus positive.

II. When Life Lets Us Down We Break Our Negative Focus by Changing Our Perspective and Forgiving.
Remember, we are not responsible for the pain life serves us but we are responsible for our response to that pain.

1. New life begins by honestly facing the truth and pain of our loss. It is normal and healthy to mourn the loss we experience. We must not rush the grieving period. We must let our emotions feel and express the full extent of our loss and tell God how we feel.

2. To break a negative emotional focus we must view the offender from God's perspective. Part of the reason for my Dad's failure to bless me was because he felt it would make me proud. Dad knew how much God hates a proud heart.

When I see Dad from God's perspective I see a man who knew little about blessing because no one taught him the power of the father's blessing. My father was conscientious and gave the best he had. While I deeply miss his blessing I am fortunate he was my dad. When I see Dad from God's perspective I feel compassion toward him.

3. We break a negative emotional focus By forgiving the offender.
From the cross Jesus said, Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing. (Luke 23:34 ) Forgiveness breaks the tractor beams power in an emotional focus. Forgiveness removes the bitterness from the pill we have to swallow. To forgive does not mean that you sweep the hurt under the carpet and forget about it.

To forgive we must honestly face the full extent of the loss we have experienced. That drunk driver permanently confined me to this wheel chair and snuffed out the lives of my two children. This horrendous loss cannot be covered with a positive attitude. No human being has it in their hearts to forgive that drunk driver. That is a miracle that only God can accomplish in our hearts.

I heard of a young teen who was repeatedly raped by her father and uncle. I can't imagine a father heaping such abuse on his daughter. Later she was forced to watch her father murder her mother. Can you imagine the emotional scars she carried into her adult life?

Can you feel the power of the tractor beam that kept her emotional focus locked on her evil dad? Years of counselling could not free her from that evil focus. Then one day she opened her heart to God's unconditional love in Jesus.

The Devil's tractor beam that locked her poisonous emotional focus on her father was about to be broken. Jesus gave her the power to look her adulterous, murderous father in the eyes and say, Daddy I forgive you for the years you abused me. Daddy, I forgive you for not protecting me from your evil brother. Daddy, I forgive you for the cruel bloody murder of my helpless mother. Daddy. I forgive you for forcing me to live in hell for all these years.
Was that girl stupid to offer her father the magnanimous gift of her forgiveness? Was she stupid to let him off the hook and not keep him squirming? Was she insane to offer him the warmth of forgiving love? Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

Forgiveness is unconditional love and it always looks irrational and stupid but its the only way to leave Crying Crescent for the highway to wholeness. Jesus said, To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. (Revelation 3:21 NIV) A new perspective and forgiveness are the keys to becoming over comers.

Over comers choose to leave Crying Crescent and ride the highway to wholeness. Over comers switch their focus from what is seen to what is not seen, namely God's eternal purposes for their lives.

TLC Discussion Questions:

1. What is the most difficult part of getting up when life lets you down?
2. Name some Bible characters who got up when life let them down.
3. Is it true that we must accept responsibility for our own future? When might this not be the case?
4. Read 2 Corinthians 4:8-18 Describe the ways Paul could have said that life let him down.
5. Read v.16 and then share what you think kept Paul from losing heart.
6. What keeps us from following the advice of 2 Corinthians 4:17-18?
7. Under point II. Discuss the three steps to breaking an emotional focus.
8. Was the young teen girls ability to forgive supernatural? Why?
9. Read Revelation 3:19-22 and describe what an over comer is.